The dew that was upon the face of the stone is gone, and it is become like a pool of clear golden water. And now the light is come into the Rosy Cross. Yet all that I see is the night, with the stars therein, as they appear through a telescope**2**. And there cometh a peacock**3** into the stone, filling the whole Aire. It is like the vision called the Universal Peacock, or, rather, like a representation of that vision. And now there are countless clouds of white angels**4** filling the Aire as the peacock dissolves.
Now behind the angels are archangels with trumpets. These cause all things to appear at once, so that there is a tremendous confusion of images. And now I perceive that all these things are but veils of the wheel, for they all gather themselves**5** into a wheel**6** that spins with incredible velocity. It hath many colours, but all thrilled with white light, so that they are transparent and luminous. This one wheel is forty-nine wheels, set at different angles, so that they compose a sphere; each wheel has forty-nine spokes, and has forty-nine**7** concentric tyres at equal distances from the centre. And wherever the rays from any two wheels meet, there is a blinding flash of glory. It must be understood that though so much detail is visible in the wheel, yet at the same time the impression is of a single, simple object.
It seems that this wheel is being spun by a hand**8**. Though the wheel fills the whole Aire, yet the hand is much bigger than the wheel. And though this vision is so great and splendid, yet there is no seriousness with it, or solemnity. It seems that the hand is spinning the wheel merely for pleasure, it would be better to say amusement.
A voice comes: For he is a jocund and a ruddy god, and his laughter is the vibration of all that exists, and the earthquakes of the soul.
One is conscious of the whirring of the wheel thrilling one, like an electric discharge passing through one.
Now I see the figures on the wheel, which have been interpreted as the sworded Sphinx, Hermanubis and Typhon**9**. And that is wrong. The rim of the wheel is a vivid emerald snake; in the centre of the wheel is a scarlet heart; and, impossible to explain as it is, the scarlet of the heart and the green of the snake are yet more vivid than the blinding white brilliance of the wheel**10**.
The figures on the wheel are darker than the wheel itself; in fact, they are stains upon the purity of the wheel, and for that reason, and because of the whirling of the wheel, I cannot see them. But at the top seems to be the Lamb and Flag, such as one sees on some Christian medals, and one of the lower things is a wolf, and the other a raven. The Lamb and Flag symbol is much brighter than the other two. It keeps on growing brighter, until now it is brighter than the wheel itself, and occupies more space than it did.
It speaks: I am the greatest of the deceivers, for my purity and innocence shall seduce the pure and innocent, who but for me should come to the centre of the wheel**11**. The wolf betrayeth only the greedy and the treacherous; the raven betrayeth only the melancholy and the dishonest **12**. But I am he of whom it is written: He shall deceive the very elect.
For in the beginning the Father of all called forth lying spirits that they might sift the creatures of the earth in three sieves, according to the three impure souls. And he chose the wolf for the lust of the flesh, and the raven for the lust of the mind; but me did he choose above all to simulate the pure prompting of the soul**13**. Them that are fallen a prey to the wolf and the raven I have not scathed; but them that have rejected me, I have given over to the wrath of the raven and the wolf**14**. And the jaws of the one have torn them, and the beak of the other has devoured the corpse. Therefore is my flag white, because I have left nothing upon the earth alive. I have feasted myself on the blood of the saints, but I am not suspected of men to be their enemy, for my fleece is white and warm, and my teeth are not the teeth of one that teareth flesh; and mine eyes are mild, and they know me not the chief of the lying spirits that the Father of all sent forth from before his face in the beginning**15**.
(His attribution is salt; the wolf mercury, and the raven sulphur**16**.)
Now the lamb grows small again, there is again nothing but the wheel, and the hand that whirleth it.
And I said: “By the word of power, double in the voice of the Master; by the word that is seven, and one in seven; and by the great and terrible word 210**17**, I beseech thee, O my Lord, to grant me the vision of thy glory.” And all the rays of the wheel stream out at me, and I am blasted and blinded with the light. I am caught up into the wheel. I am one with the wheel. I am greater than the wheel**18**. In the midst of a myriad lightnings I stand, and I behold his face. (I am thrown violently back on to the earth every second, so that I cannot quite concentrate.)
All one gets is a liquid flame of pale gold. But its radiant force keeps hurling me back.
And I say: By the word and the will, by the penance and the prayer, let me behold thy face. (I cannot explain this, there is confusion of personalities.) I who speak to you, see what I tell you; but I, who see him, cannot communicate it to me, who speak to you**19**.
If one could gaze upon the sun at noon, that might be like the substance of him. But the light is without heat. It is the vision of Ut**20** in the Upanishads. And from this vision have come all the legends of Bacchus and Krishna and Adonis**21**. For the impression is of a youth dancing and making music. But you must understand that he is not doing that, for he is still**22**. Even the hand that turns the wheel is not his hand, but only a hand energized by him.
And now it is the dance of Shiva. I lie beneath his feet, his saint, his victim**23**. My form is the form of the God Phtah**24**, in my essence, but the form of the god Seb in my form**25**. And this is the reason of existence, that in this dance which is delight, there must needs be both the god and the adept. Also the earth herself is a saint; and the sun and the moon dance upon her, torturing her with delight.
This vision is not perfect. I am only in the outer court of the vision, because I have undertaken it in the service of the Holy One, and must retain sense and speech**26**. No recorded vision is perfect, of high visions, for the seer must keep either his physical organs or his memory in working order. And neither is capable. There is no bridge. One can only be conscious of one thing at a time, and as the consciousness moves nearer to the vision, it loses control of the physical and mental. Even so, the body and the mind must be very perfect before anything can be done, or the energy of the vision may send the body into spasms and the mind into insanity. This is why the first visions give Ananda, which is a shock. When the adept is attuned to Samadhi, there is but cloudless peace**27**.
This vision is particularly difficult to get into, because he is I**28**. And therefore the human ego is being constantly excited, so that one comes back so often. An acentric meditation practice like mahasatipatthana ought to be done before invocations of the Holy Guardian Angel, so that the ego may be very ready to yield itself utterly to the Beloved.
And now the breeze is blowing about us, like the sighs of love unsatisfied — or satisfied. His lips move**29**. I cannot say the words at first.
And afterwords: “Shalt thou not bring the children of men to the sight of my glory**30**? 'Only thy silence and thy speech that worship me avail.' 'For as I am the last, so am I the next, and as the next shalt thou reveal me to the multitude**31**.' Fear not for aught; turn not aside for aught, eremite of Nuit, apostle of Hadit, warrior of Ra Hoor Khu! The leaven taketh, and the bread shall be sweet; the ferment worketh, and the wine shall be sweet. My sacraments are vigorous food and divine madness. Come unto me, O ye children of men; come unto me, in whom I am, in whom ye are, were ye only alive with the life that abideth in Light.”
All this time I have been fading away. I sink. The veil of night comes down a dull blue-gray with one pentagram in the midst of it, watery and dull. And I am to abide there for a while before I come back to the earth**32**. (But shut me the window up, hide me from the sun. Oh, shut the window!)**33**
Now, the pentagram is faded; black crosses fill the Aethyr gradually growing and interlacing, until there is a network.
It is all dark now. I am lying exhausted**34**, with the sharp edge of the shew-stone cutting into my forehead.
November 30, 1909. 9:15 - 10:50 a.m.